It’s 2:37 am and you already know you’re not making it to work tomorrow. For the last six hours you have been alternating between a fetal position on the couch and an animalistic, hunched-over position above the toilet. There is no force on this planet strong enough to keep any food inside your body for longer than a standard commercial break. You’re tired and exhausted. Muscles you weren’t even aware of before today cry out in pain. And your stomach, your poor stomach, can hardly stand to take in the lukewarm ginger ale you’ve been sipping since your last visit to the bathroom. Your whole body screams out, “I am dying!” And you wonder if you’ll survive to see the 5th hour of BBC Pride and Prejudice.
Thankfully, your brain, though starting to get snippy, is not sick. “You’re not dying,” brain says. “It’s just a stomach bug.” And you stop imagining your imminent death and start awaiting your favorite scene with Mr. Darcy.
Now imagine it’s your brain that’s sick. And for weeks or months or even years you have not been able to function the way you normally would. You feel like you’ve been curled up on your couch watching the world pass you by. Only you don’t realize you’re sick. You just know that you’re struggling.
And one day you think, “I’m dying.” And your brain, which is not functioning properly, says, “Yeah I think you might be.” And there is no voice of reason to suggest that this may be temporary or that there may be a treatment for what you’re experiencing.
You don’t want to admit that you’re depressed because you never thought that could happen to you. You feel like you can’t go to friends or family because you’re afraid they won’t understand. Or they’ll tell you it’s somehow your fault.
Your brain keeps saying, “You’re dying.” And all you can think about is your death.
Depression can happen to anyone. And if left untreated can bring on suicidal ideation. If you or someone you know is experiencing this, seek help. Your brain is sick and there are treatments that can help it get better.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline:
1-800-273-8255
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/